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Link to my article on the 2008 Smack-Off
Link to my History of the Smack-Off page, full of audio files
The 11th annual Smack-Off is going to take place on Friday, May 6, 2005. Dreamt up by Jim Rome and his producer Travis Rodgers, the Smack-Off is an invite only competition among the show’s elite callers. The winner of the contest is crowned King of Smack for the year and will have earned the respect of Clones everywhere (except in the case of Jeff in Richmond and Stevie the phone slap).
The Jungle airs from 11am to 2pm Central Time, check the website for the Jungle to find your local affiliate.
I started listening to the Jungle in the summer of 1997 and I’ve been a faithful listener ever since. Of the previous ten Smack-offs, I have had the privilege of listening to seven. The first was in 1998; NFL QB Jim Harbaugh flamed and Romey’s call screener and Clone-in-denial Steve Carbone won it all. I was hooked and proud of my decision to record the show on tape. I now have six of those seven years preserved to one day share with my grandchildren.
Last year Iafrate shook off his Phil Mickeleson of the Jungle label and won it all, leaving Terrence in Sierra Madre as the sole possessor of the title, “Best Caller Never to Win the Smack-Off”. Of the elite callers, Terrence calls the most frequent, but until recently he has lacked his “A” game on the big day. Last year he came in third and is among the favorites to claim the title this year.
The strongest contender has to be two-time champion Sean the Cablinasian. The 1998 and 2003 winner has the most consistent Smack-Off record and is guaranteed to make the Top Five. Cut from the same mold is Joe in Orange County. Despite having the voice of a 10 year old boy, Joe has the perfect mix of sports takes, one liners, and crack backs on other Clones. His debut was a 3rd place finish in 2003; he followed that with a 5th place finish last year.
Greg in Vegas is a perennial King of Smack contender, but in recent years has pushed the envelope a little too far. In the 2003 Smack-off his parting shot was the following: “I’ll just leave you with the thought that maybe Tom Watson could have won the U.S. Open if not for his caddy suffering a one stroke penalty.” His caddy, Bruce Edwards, was in the early stages of dying from ALS (Lou Gehrig’s disease). Greg’s unhealthy obsession with amputations and disease might prevent him from ever breaking through.
For the bleeding heart liberals, Trapper in Dana Point is your man. His call last year was a brilliant effort in which he used the Jack Nicholson “You can’t handle the truth!” monologue to describe the state of the Jungle with the aid of some old school references (a strategy that gets employed by at least one caller a year). Trapper led us all to believe his call last year would be his last ever, we’ll see (I vaguely remember him calling in late summer of ’04).
Two Clones that have been missing in action could reappear to take the crown: Gino in San Antonio and Kerwin in Riverside. Gino took the last two years off, but has the skills necessary for a great call. Kerwin has taken the last four years off, but like Gino, he has the ability to win it all.
Another favorite has to be the other two-time champ, Doc Mike DiTolla. Doc Mike (a dentist) and his brother Jeffrey (a lawyer) are old school enough to be featured in the SI article that provided my first glimpse of the Jungle back in 1996 (I still have that issue). Doc Mike is good for NASCAR/redneck smack and a solid phone call. Irie Craig is the other current caller that made it into the picture that accompanied the SI story.
Three guys that have no chance in Hell: Tobin in Chapel Hill—he’s a rookie caller that blatantly reads his scripted takes laden with lame jokes with plenty of pauses after the supposed punch-lines, a real hack that is destined to flame; Larry in Knoxville—I’m convinced Jim added him just to guarantee someone flames, Larry is worse than Tobin (quite a feat) and loves to bore us all with terrible anecdotes and impressions; Jeff in Richmond—he’s a past winner that stole the crown from Iafrate in ’02, every one of his calls sound the same as he uses a tired WWE shtick that is full of boastful lies, we'd all be better off if he spent the 3 hours banging his sister(wife) in their shared trailer.
Here is the list of previous winners:
2004 Iafrate
2003 Sean the Cablinasian
2002 Jeff in Richmond
2001 Silk in Huntington Beach
2000 Doc Mike DiTolla
1999 Sean the Cablinasian
1998 Stevie the Phone Slap, AKA Steve Carbone, AKA Steve from LMU
1997 Doc Mike DiTolla
1996 Jeffrey DiTolla
1995 JT the Brick
I have handicapped the field:
| Odds | Clone |
|---|---|
| 3-1 | Sean the Cablinasian |
| 7-1 | Doc Mike DiTolla |
| 7-1 | Terrence in Sierra Madre |
| 8-1 | Gino in San Antonio |
| 8-1 | Joe in Orange County |
| 10-1 | Jim in Fall River |
| 10-1 | Greg in Vegas |
| 12-1 | Iafrate |
| 15-1 | Casey in Vegas |
| 15-1 | Irie Craig |
| 15-1 | Trapper in Dana Point |
| 18-1 | Silk in Huntington Beach |
| 20-1 | Jeff on a car phone in Phoenix |
| 20-1 | Chris from Cougar High |
| 25-1 | Kerwin in Riverside |
| 25-1 | Joe in New York City |
| 30-1 | Rachel in Houston |
| 30-1 | Bill in Knoxville |
| 35-1 | Jeff in Richmond |
| 35-1 | Don in NoCal |
| 35-1 | Mike in Orlando |
| 40-1 | Oliver in St. Louis |
| 40-1 | Ed in Stockton |
| 50-1 | Otis in Austin |
| 75-1 | Chuck in Phoenix |
| 100-1 | JT the Brick |
| 100-1 | Jeffrey DiTolla |
| 100-1 | Stevie Carbone |
| 1000-1 | Tobin in Chapel Hill |
| 1000-1 | Larry in Knoxville |
Other propositions:
| O/U | Bet |
|---|---|
| 4 | Number of Past Champs that call | 18 | Total Calls making it to air | 3.5 | Terrible calls receiving the buzzer | 20 | Uses of the word “Jim” by Jeff in Richmond | 3.0 | 1st Hour Calls in the Top 10 | 4.5 | 2nd Hour Calls in the Top 10 | 2.5 | 3rd Hour Calls in the Top 10 |
I don't know how to prove it, but yes, I am him. Both "unders" came in - total calls (15) and buzzers (3). Believe it or not, Rome took 41 calls in Smak-Off II. Granted, it was a 4-hour show, but still.
My own call notwithstanding, I thought the best line of the day was the one about Dexter Manley eating a can of alphabet soup and defecating a better take.
Greg