The Andrew Extravaganza

This post will remain at the top of the front page until May. Check in here for Smack-Off news, betting odds, and a review of the contest. Check out complete audio from past Smack-Offs at my History of the Smack-Off page.

The Announcement

The date of the 2008 Smack-Off was announced last week. The 14th edition of the annual event will take place on Friday, April 25th. Mark your calendars.


The Cablinasian Ruled Ineligible

The announcement was accompanied by a bombshell: Sean the Cablinasian, five-time winner of the event, will be ineligible to participate. The reason behind this ruling is that Sean is employed by a rival station to Rome's affiliate in the Houston market.

Listen to Jim explain the ruling on the 2/21/08 show.

Sean is the co-host (along with the extremely knowledgeable John Harris) of an afternoon show on 1560 The Game in Houston. It's a great show and you should take advantage of the streaming audio that is offered on their site. Unfortunately, the Jungle airs on Sports Radio 610, which is otherwise devoid of quality programming after Lance Zierlein and John Granato moved to the upstart independent 1560. I believe that Sean had every intention of calling this year, provided he was still invited, but it appears the bitches at 610 have made this impossible.

As a result of this development the 2008 crown is wide open for the taking; Seanie the smack juggernaut is out of action for the foreseeable future. Will this diminish the accomplishment of the new champion? Barring a legendary effort the answer is undoubtedly yes.

One positive is that the door is now open for Terrence in Sierra Madre or Greg in Vegas to lay claim to their first title. They had better take advantage of the opportunity before Sean breaks out his #45 jersey and returns hungrier than ever.

Finally, here is a post Sean made over at Stucknut:

For what it's worth, I am looking forward to the Smack-Off this year as much as any of you are, if not more so. It will actually be kind of fun to sit back and listen to the calls without sitting there and wondering what to say in my acceptance speech. (Sorry, I had to start this post with some sort of cocky "I am the man" comment. I'm not really that way -- most of the time.)

A few thoughts after reading all of the posts on this topic:

- The nickname "The Casually Aging" is pretty good, although anyone who has seen pictures of me from ten years ago and compares them to now knows that I am aging anything but casually. I"ve aged worse than Brian Doyle Murray between Caddyshack and Wayne's World. Personally, "The Babblinasian" is the runaway winner for best satirical Cablinasian nickname. For what it's worth, "Clone-inasian" from Iafrate was a reach and kind of lame.

- I get a kick out of how worked up everyone gets over the fact that I keep winning this thing despite the facts that (1) I call once a year, and (2) my calls are formulaic in nature (i.e. Duke take, Peter King take, "I am better than all of you" take, shake, WIN!, repeat). Don't you think that if there were a requirement for me to call once a month or once a week to defend my crown that I could do that? I mean it's not like it takes months to cook up a phone call to the Rome Show. It's not rocket science. My last three calls that have won the Smack-Off were concocted the morning of the event. But I have a lifetime exemption (or I did until last week) --- so I use it. As for the formulaic nature of my calls, I think that's been overblown a little bit by everyone. That said, if you've found something that works, wouldn't you repeat it? If a team ran the same play over and over again and it was working, why would they stop using it? The old saying goes that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again expecting different results. I am the opposite of insanity; I've found something that works and I'll repeat it over and over again until someone stops me (or until I'm banned from the show for getting my own show on a competitor's station). If you don't like the content of my calls, that's one thing, but bashing me for using the same formula each year is silly because it obviously achieves the desired goal which is winning.

- I would tend to agree that it would be cool if Rome gave something like 1/5th of the vote for the Smack-Off to the listeners via a web poll (with himself, Travis, Jason, and Alvin being the other 4/5ths). It would be progressive and well received. That said, I'm pretty sure Terrence could fart into his phone for four minutes and get about 85% of the web vote. (For the record, I think Terrence is hilarious, but the love he has from web clones is off the charts.)

- For what it's worth, I actually think my two runner-up calls (2000, 2004) were better than at least two of my calls that won. And I probably didn't desrve all five of the titles I have, but I'm not giving any of them back. That big pile of nothing that I got for winning each of them? Well, it's MY pile of nothing, and I'm not giving it back.

- 2008 Smack-off Predictions: Vic actually makes a phone call this year, but Greg finally gets the elusive win.

- Thanks to everyone who has emailed me and listened to my show. If you've shared kind words with me about the show, I wholeheartedly agree with you that the show reeks of awesomeness. If you think my show is a steaming pile of turds, then I respect your first amendment rights (and your single digit Wonderlic score).

Now if you'll all excuse me, I'm getting my resume together so that I can at least be a guest Smack-Off color analyst this year for some network out there carrying the show.

Peace, Sean

The Official Smack-Off Promo

Once again, Alvin Delloro has cut an official promo for the event, you can check out Alvin's work here.


Mr. Wednesday Calls His Shot (Again)

Vic in NoCal decided to call his shot on the Wednesday prior to the event. Upping the ante from last year's Wednesday call (and subsequent no-show on Friday), Vic is planning on leading off and going wire to wire. I hope he fares better than Jeff on a carphone in Phoenix, who has made five attempts at the feat and has four buzzers and an unranked finish to show for it.

Jay Mohr immediately took to the airwaves to announce he would be going second and he compared Vic to A-Rod.

Bodie in Pearland, a noted piece of crap and talentless hack, also called his shot. Otis wants his shtick back.
*** I take back the piece of crap line, and I will soften the talentless hack line. Bodie is probably somewhere between Tobin and the other generic rookie invitees in the game department. Nothing special, but at least his Smack-Off call was unique.

On Thursday, Gino in San Antonio called to say he wouldn't be competing this year, but he did offer astute analysis on Vic's chances to win. By leading off Vic needs the remaining callers to make him the focus of the Smack-Off, by putting a massive target on his back he will attempt to take the Silk and Jeff in Richmond path to glory. It's a risky play.


The Official Top Ten

1. Iafrate
2. Doc Mike DiTolla
3. Joe in the O.C.
4. Steve Carbone
5. Terrence in Sierra Madre
6. Jay Mohr
7. Greg in Vegas
8. Silk in Huntington Beach
9. Jeff in Richmond
10.Casey in Vegas


My Top Ten

1. Joe in the O.C.
2. Iafrate
3. Doc Mike DiTolla
4. Greg in Vegas
5. Terrence in Sierra Madre
6. Jay Mohr
7. Steve Carbone
8. Casey in Vegas
9. Silk in Huntington Beach
10.Oren in Denver

I'll post more eventually, but clearly my top ten is very different than what the Xr4ti came up with. A solid year of calls from top to bottom.

From 2pm to 6pm central time you need to be listening to Sean the Cablinasian and John Harris doing a Smack-Off postgame show on 1560 The Game.


The Field (as of 4/21/08)

Past Winners	Old School Legends	The New School
J.T. The Brick	Greg in Vegas	Casey in Vegas
Jeffrey E. DiTolla	Irie Craig	Joe in the O.C.
Doc Mike DiTolla	Jeff on a Carhpone	Lear in Annapolis
Steve Carbone	Terrence in Sierra Madre	Chad in Portland
Silk in Huntington Beach	Trapper in Dana Point	Rachel in Houston
Jeff in Richmond	Gino in San Antonio	Vic in NoCal
Iafrate	Jay Mohr	Brendan in Wilmington
		J.D. in Nashville
		Bodie in Pearland
		Oren in Denver
		Corey in Ann Arbor
		Mike in Wichita
On the Bubble
Jim in Fall River	Jeff in Vancouver

The Odds

This year's event should be wide open with seven or eight guys having a good look at winning it all. Several newer callers have received invitations this year, most of them are terrible, but a few do bring a little something to the table. Rookie callers don't win the Smack-Off, it just doesn't happen; however, a few rookies could very easily break into the back half of the top ten and build on that next year. These odds are set in stone as far as I'm concerned, no more changes.

Odds	Clone	Comments
11-2	Greg in Vegas	Consistently comes up big (2007 being the exception--a nice idea, but painfully executed), but he's the tragic hero of the Smack-Off
6-1	Iafrate	He always finds a spot in the top five
8-1	Joe in the O.C.	I've always thought of him as The Cablinasian Jr. Last year his call was poorly read and highly overrated
8-1	Terrence in Sierra Madre	The People's Champ, the Clone nation would be ecstatic if he takes home the crown
9-1	Vic in NoCal	The Next Big Thing, but will Rome let him win after no-showing last year? Probably not, but a second place finish would not surprise me
9-1	Doc Mike DiTolla	Two-time winner, his last Smack-Off call was in 2003 but he's preparing for a comeback. If he calls he'll be right there in the mix
10-1	Steve Carbone	A classic screamer and former winner, with the Cablinasian on the sidelines he'll be missing his foil and will need a new target
12-1	Jay Mohr	As a professional comedian Jay gets graded much tougher
17-1	Lear in Annapolis	Great material in his debut, but he needs to read the script a little slower, Johnny 5 thinks dude reads fast. A good sleeper pick
19-1	Chad in Portland	He runs good smack, but his act is a bit tired. Rome seems to like his calls though
19-1	Oren in Denver	Flamed out in his '06 debut, but he made a strong call last year and a nice effort to RSVP last week
19-1	Casey in Vegas	Brilliant in '03 and '04, but he's been off his game the last few attempts
23-1	Jeff in Richmond	No way that he wins, it just won't happen again, please not again
23-1	Rachel in Houston	Good caller but she doesn't have that extra gear, it would take a Silkian effort to win
23-1	Jeff on carphone in Phoenix	A solid old school caller but he's a train wreck on the big day
26-1	Brendan in Wilmington	In the field after waiting five days on hold to place an excellent call.
26-1	Mike in Wichita	A good caller, but he hasn't really done much to distinguish himself. 8th place is his upside
30-1	Jeff in Vancouver	Made a pretty good call in 2007, but half the time Jeff is left off the list when Rome reads the field
30-1	Trapper in Dana Point	He's made one great Smack-Off call, he might have another in him, but probably not. He could creep into the top ten.
30-1	Silk in Huntington Beach	A solid and valued contributor, but I doubt he cracks the top ten, his calls just don't translate well to the Smack-Off
30-1	Gino in San Antonio	An old school caller that hasn't been in a Smack-Off since 2001, he probably won't call but he's a threat if he does
30-1	Corey in Ann Arbor	A generic rookie caller with very little hope of making noise
40-1	Jim in Fall River	Still on the bubble. He hasn't called since 2004 and it doesn't look like 2008 will see a return of the Donkey
45-1	Irie Craig	Irie would be a dominant caller to a local show, but in the Jungle he's just the stoner with good sports takes and no chance to take home the crown
70-1	J.D. in Nashville	Maybe the best debut call in Jungle history, but his second call was awful. He doesn't belong in the field
100-1	Jeffrey E. DiTolla	In the field based on his win in 1996, but he hasn't called since 2001
100-1	Bodie in Pearland	Bodie is a piece of crap. He might be the worst caller to receive a Smack-Off invite since Tobin in Chapel Hill. *** I take it back, Bodie is not a piece of crap afterall. Clever Smack-Off call and nice effort on the Sean and John show this afternoon.
250-1	J.T. the Brick	Not going to call

Over/Unders:

16.5	Total number of calls taken
6.0	Calls taken in the first hour
6.5	Calls taken in the second hour
4.0	Calls taken in the third hour
2.0	Times the buzzer is wielded
4.0	Number of past winners that call

Odds for the winner coming out of each hour:

8-1	First Hour
3-2	Second Hour
4-1	Third Hour

Post a comment to 'Smack-Off 2008'

Over the last two and a half weeks I have been building an online database and writing PHP/MySQL code to effect a second redesign of my Smack-Off History site. About 225 mp3 files are now linked to dynamically from the following pages:
1) The original text summary for each year of the Smack-Off
2) The yearly results page, featuring detailed call order information in a sortable table
3) The caller history page, featuring every caller's complete record of participation in the Smack-Off

Also new is the ability of visitors to rate each call on a 1 to 10 scale, allowing for the clones at large to weigh in and support the calls they believe to be the best.

A few minor additions are still to come, but the redesign is essentially complete.

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The Alamo Drafthouse chain of movie theaters held a film making competition to promote the new Jack Black movie Be Kind Rewind. The task of the competition was to create a short (five minutes, plus credits) remake of a movie. After a couple days of discussion our group came to the obvious conclusion that Top Gun would be a perfect choice.

Our goal was to capture the iconic scenes while still telling the story, we didn't want to shoot a trailer or a highlight reel. We shot the movie in basically three days at locations around Austin, then maybe a week of post-production and soundtrack recording.

We remade Top Gun like Max Fischer and the Max Fischer Players remade Serpico in Rushmore. We recreated the dialogue, shots, cuts, and music without mugging for the camera. We played it straight.

To clarify: we played it straight in the sense that we avoided mugging for the camera and hamming it up, but we remained devoutly faithful to the heavy gay undertones of the original.

The only thing better than our acting in this film would be the musical talent of our two lead actors, Goose and Maverick. Those two, along with help from the brothers Fick, reworked the legendary cuts from the soundtrack:

Top Gun Anthem
Danger Zone
Playing With the Boys
Take My Breath Away
Take My Breath Away - Jeff's (Goose) full length cover

There were well over 100 entries to the contest. A lot of shit, a lot of really good stuff too. You can check out every entry at Filmmaking Frenzy.com, though I'm not sure how long the videos will be hosted at that site.

Some of my favorites:
Die Hard
Apocalypse Now
Say Anything
Taxi Driver (this one is brilliant)
Top Gun

Post a comment to 'Top Gun - A Remake'

I recently received an e-mail asking if I remembered or had seen the Sports Illustrated article on Jim Rome and The Jungle from way back. Not only do I remember that article, but I still have that issue of SI after eleven-plus years. Found in the September 16, 1996 issue, the article was about a few different shows and the culture of sports talk radio, but it focused primarily on the work of Jim Rome.

I was 15 years old when that issue came in the mail and I remember turning on the radio in search of The Jungle. Without the aid of the internet that search proved difficult and ultimately fruitless. But eventually I found the show in the summer of 1997, and forget about the two week trial period, I was hooked.

I scanned the article, click on the thumbnails to view an image large enough to read:


The other day a call by Doc Mike turned the show into a nostalgic trip down memory lane with a handful of old school guys, many from before I became a listener, calling in to reminisce. The Jungle used to be much more caller driven. For years now the show has suffered from a lack of characters, and that's what "The Legends" were, vital cast members that helped make the Jungle what it was. While it can never be like it was back then, it's great to hear the old schoolers like Gino in San Antonio, Doc Mike, Irie, and Trapper swinging in again on the occasional vine.


From left to right: The Mayor of Poway, Raider/Dodger Mike, Jeffrey DiTolla, Romey, Doc Mike DiTolla, and Irie Craig.

Post a comment to '1996 Sports Illustrated article on The Jungle'

Growing up in the Houston area, the first choice for donuts was always Shipley Do-Nuts. Unfortunately, despite having 190 stores across six southern states, Shipley's has not really taken hold in the Austin market. They have three locations in Georgetown, obviously out of reach for Austin residents. But then there is the one wonderfully located south Austin store on Brodie Lane. With that new location, no more must I rely on the overrated, overpriced Krispy Kreme, the subpar Dunkin, or the merely passable Rivercity donuts. Sunday morning gluttony is back baby!

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Anyone that has visited the main page of my blog in the last four months would have noticed a ticker scrolling along the left column of the page. That ticker had been showing ESPN college football headlines, but those headlines are much less compelling now that the season is over.

After college football season, we enter Smack-Off season. Leading up to this year's event, I will be using the ticker to showcase great Smack-Off calls and/or the work of legendary callers. I'll probably feature some of the spectacular meltdowns and flameouts as well.

Kicking things off, we have Terrence in Sierra Madre: one of two men to lay claim to the title of best caller never to have won it all. Terrence has tried every gimmick in the book to sway votes in his favor, but all efforts have failed; two third place finishes are all Terrence has to show for over a decade of calling.

While I'm posting on the subject of the Jungle: I plan on doing some long overdue updates to the History of the Smack-Off page. Nothing major, but during February I'll be adding a little more content to the thin sections.

Post a comment to 'A new ticker on the front page'

I haven't taken the opportunity to spew reactionary vitriol in a long time, so here goes:

For inexplicable reasons, I still have Yahoo! as the homepage on my browser. Among the unorganized mess of articles and links this one caught my eye. For those not willing to take the jump, let me summarize: Catholic priests in Mexico spent the day sprinkling holy water on animals and reciting "special animal blessings".

"Maybe with the blessing she will be better behaved, because she's very naughty," said 19-year-old Beatriz Zuniga, clutching a yowling, wriggling kitten dressed in a tight pink T-shirt and a paper bow and wrapped in a blanket.

In general, though with occasional exceptions, I don't like to shit all over religion. I'm not a militant atheist. On some level I can respect the faithful, and I certainly don't think less of a person just because they are a believer. I don't see Jesus or the South rising again anytime soon, but if you feel like taking a rooting interest more power to you.

Just don't try saving my soul along the way.

And leave the animals out of it too.

Want a sure fire way to trivialize your religion? Go sprinkle some holy water on a kitten dressed in a pink T-shirt.

Does the Catholic church really need to pander to the idiot masses of pet owners?

Did Jesus take three nails so that Dolly the Chihuahua can be absolved of her sins against the carpet? I bet J.C. is rolling in his grave right now.

Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.

Post a comment to 'Holy Chihuahua?'

My current top five favorite bands, in no particular order and subject to change:

Wilco
Spoon
Silver Jews
The Good Life
Drive-By Truckers

For each of those bands you can pick any album and I can listen to it on an endless loop, I'll be content and I won't grow tired of it (though Wilco's A Ghost is Born comes close to being the exception). So upon finding out that one of my top five favorite bands will be adding to their catalog in the very near future, well, I was excited and approaching giddy.

The news is a little over a month old now, but I just found out yesterday: the new Drive-By Truckers album, Brighter Than Creation's Dark is scheduled to be released on January 22, 2008. That's only a one month wait for what promises to be one hell of an album. Seven Mike Cooley penned songs and nineteen total tracks, including three by bassist Shonna Tucker.

The Track Listing (writer/lead vocalist):

1. Two Daughters and a Beautiful Wife (Patterson Hood)
2. Three Dimes Down (Mike Cooley)
3. The Righteous Path (Patterson Hood)
4. I'm Sorry Huston (Shonna Tucker)
5. Perfect Timing (Mike Cooley)
6. Daddy Needs a Drink (Patterson Hood)
7. Self Destructive Zones (Mike Cooley)
8. Bob (Mike Cooley)
9. Home Field Advantage (Shonna Tucker)
10. Opening Act (Patterson Hood)
11. Lisa's Birthday (Mike Cooley)
12. The Man I Shot (Patterson Hood)
13. Purgatory Line (Shonna Tucker)
14. The Home Front (Patterson Hood)
15. Check Out Time In Vegas (Mike Cooley)
16. You and Your Crystal Meth (Patterson Hood)
17. Goode's Field Road (Patterson Hood)
18. A Ghost To Most (Mike Cooley)
19. Monument Valley (Patterson Hood)

I'm finding it hard to contain my excitement at the moment, but I'm going to be disciplined and cut this thing short.

To complete the entry, a couple of Mike Cooley songs to wet your whistle:

When the Pin Hits the Shell [audio removed], a simple little country number from Decoration Day that I think really shows off his ability as a lyricist: sincere, folksy, and humorous all at once.

Marry Me [audio removed], a rocking Rolling Stones'ey tune, also from Decoration Day, and featuring the opening line, "Well, my daddy didn't pull out, but he never apologized." The man can turn a phrase.

Post a comment to 'Brighter Than Creation's Dark'

I love the term "giving him the business". I can't remember the last time I watched a football game with my grandfather that he couldn't find a suitable play to invoke the phrase. As I was checking out Lance Zierlein's blog the other day, I came upon two videos of referees using the phrase, and those are perhaps two of the finest moments in the history of referees and football.

The first clip is from a Jets/Bills game in 1986 where QB Jim Kelly did something to piss off Marty Lyons and subsequently he received the business.

In the NC State/Maryland game last weekend, ACC official Ron Cherry decided it was time to dust off that golden oldie of officiating.

Post a comment to 'Giving him the business'

Dikembe Mutombo. A legend. The man responsible for the phrase, "Who wants to sex Mutombo?"

He was recently enlisted by Houston's 1560 The Game to do a promo for their morning show, which is hosted by John Granato and Lance Zeirlein. This was not the first time Deke was asked to do a promo. During the latter part of their ten year run at Sports Radio 610, John and Lance struck comedy gold with a horribly botched promo attempt, which unfortunately I do not have audio for. Trust me though, it was brilliant.

So last week they went back for a little more of the Mutombo magic and caught lightning in a bottle a second time. In this latest attempt Deke manages to get the station's name wrong, 666 The Game, and he invents a guy named Tony. Finally, after a few takes he basically gets the thing right, basically. His final attempt was somewhere between perfect and Ash's recitation of "Clatto Verata Nicto" before retrieving the Necronomicon ex Mortis.

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